at Toad's Place, watching Explosions in the Sky

by Liam Kingsley

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This song is about my experiences with suicidal feelings, which first occurred while attending an Explosions in the Sky concert at Toad's Place in New Haven. I feel as though this song requires a preface stating that it is from the perspective of myself at that moment and that I do not endorse or agree with those views now. They are simply the thoughts and justifications of a suicidal mind. It's also worth noting that I'm okay now, so don't worry. I would emphasize, though, that if you know that suicide is triggering for you to please not listen to this song. I don't want it to have any negative impact on anyone's life. If nothing else I hope it can provide some insight to the mind of a suicidal individual, though I do not claim these experiences to be universal. Also, I don't normally believe in charging for music, but I feel like if I'm going to put this out there it ought to be for a good cause. To that end, I will be donating all funds raised from this song to Reachout of St. Lawrence County. If anyone is interested in learning more about them or volunteering, here's a link to their website:


I want to die.
I used to think that I could never even dream
of leaving all this behind.

I want to cry,
but sadness feels so distant from this state of mind,
with mine, so tightly intertwined.

I want to write,
but why should I even bother trying
when nothing I say could change a single life but mine.

I'm too tired to try
to get my brain to stop its constant fight
to tell me and tell me and tell me,
"I need to die."

I would leave behind
several crying people for a while,
but what's that mean to me when I'm no longer alive.

I'm scared of trying,
but pain for just a second I don't mind
if it gets me out of this life.

but I'm afraid to say goodbye
but I'm afraid to say goodbye
but I'm afraid to say goodbye
but I'm afraid to say goodbye.


released December 11, 2014
Music & Lyrics by Liam Kingsley
Mixed & Mastered by Mike Bruns for Dad Culture Records
Album Art by Hannah Kingsley



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